Aug
Featuring a very yellow boywhoblocked.
Jun
Hey everyone. On the back of our latest single release, I thought it might be nice to share some of the backstory behind “This Is Goodbye”. Well, maybe ‘nice’ is the wrong word being that the song is about anxiety and panic attacks and how they have affected my relationships.
“These walls in this house and your friends will talk and I won’t say a thing.”
A few years ago I had my first ever anxiety attack. I was over-thinking and under-communicating in my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. A seed planted in my mind that things were inevitably going to end, that there were a few ‘deal-breakers’ that would be too tough to work through, that at some point I would have to break up with her.
“Will you walk away with a broken mind? Well I might.”
My biggest fear in life is that I will let others down or that they’ll be disappointed in me. The thought of breaking the heart of someone who loves me cripples me like nothing else. Anxiety is the fear of the consequence, so unsurprisingly when I broke up with her and the world didn’t end and I didn’t die and neither did she, I felt immediately better. I was incredibly sad and unsure and stubborn and desperate but I had calmed the anxiety attack by running away from the problems. Fight or flight.
“We died in my sleep when I couldn’t dream about you.”
This has reoccured a few times in relationships since, and all have ended the same way, with me scared out of my brain, unable to eat, thinking that the only way to stop the panic was to end the relationship. I didn’t know any better, I just knew that it worked. The sadness of the breakup was so much more palatable than the panic attack. I would be triggered by the most ridiculous of things, creating my own doubts and looking for evidence that I was correct to doubt. Looking for flaws and grabbing on to them with every muscle.
“Will this stay in a broken mind? ‘Cause I’ve broken mine.”
Last year I took the best step I could and began seeing a psychologist who started me on cognitive behavioural therapy. I’ve had ups and downs since, but the things I have learned about myself and my behaviours have been invaluable. I feel like I have things under control, and while my brain still does funny things from time to time, I’m much more forgiving on myself. I no longer think I have a broken mind, it’s just the way I was wired, and I’m learning how to untangle all those wires.
“If I seem aloof it’s only because I am.”
I have so much gratitude for my family and friends, and while they might not have understood what I was going through for the last few years, they have been supportive nonetheless. I am especially grateful for my girlfriend Lauren, who has shown enormous compassion in helping me through anxious moments in our relationship, with a grace and calmness that, whether she likes it or not, will probably be immortalised in a future song.
If you ever need someone to talk to, don’t be afraid to reach out. Easiest way to reach me is through our Facebook page, I’ll lend you an ear any time.
- Dion.
May
Our new video. Enjoy.
May
30 seconds worth of the most difficult editing work I have ever done. So excited to show everyone the final product!
May
Instagram is square and this video is not so head to our Facebook to check the proper preview of our new single, ‘This Is Goodbye’. #thisisgoodbye #sportsfanband
May
Indie 100 Artist List 2015
Proud to be part of this, the final year of Indie 100!
May
Have you heard the brand new track we recorded for @indie_100 yet? It’s first on the playlist, super easy to find! http://indie1002014.bandcamp.com #indie100
Nov
Got your outfits ready? We have! Not long until Saturday. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some Bon-bons to stuff. x SF
